Time, It's Time

I have been in the midst and throes of a rather long-winded move, which was a bit complicated for several reasons, and has been drawn out over the span of the past month or so.

Every day I always felt that I had to be "doing something" with regards to the move, and at times I would just stand amongst the boxes and papers and rubbish heaps of things I needed to get rid of, and would just stand and stare, overwhelmed, feeling that "it would never end." Though this was small in comparison of scale to the move that I did when we moved across the Atlantic, it felt rather draining all the same.

Tonight is the first night then, that I don't have to be "doing something" for this move, as for all intents and purposes, it is done. Some blank spaces on the walls to be filled in, but for the most part, it is done.

As my daughter is with her mother this weekend, I am alone, sitting at a desk that I bought many, many years ago, in the hopes that it would be my "writing desk." Sadly, it has not been for those many, many years, until now. Because of the new configuration of my apartment, I have a splendid view out the window of colorful tree-lined boulevards and a true sense of space.

I remember having this feeling in Austin when I was settled into an apartment there as a student. Though it was not my first apartment, it was the first one that I felt that sense of Space, which I do now. I remember just sitting there in my couch, listening to music all evening, doing absolutely nothing, but like the king figure in Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence video, I just enjoyed it.

Another song that makes me feel this way is Talk Talk's "Time, It's Time," because, well, it is Time that I feel this sense of Space again. Though I enjoyed my last apartment, it was not my Space.

This is.

It is Time.

Take the Time to just listen to the Autumnal song...like the butterflies and moths on the picture, it has a hypnotic effect.

Sleepwalking Through it All

To be present seems to be the hardest condition for humans, to really, truly be present in a situation actually takes effort, which seems quite absurd when you think about it. But, there's the rub, when you think about, you are no longer in the Present, but somewhere else, thinking about it.

The way we speak and communicate also has much to do with it. As a lover of languages and amateur linguist myself, I have been fascinated by the issues of Time in all of the languages that I have studied, and how that is so integral to our very thinking and communication. Some languages will avoid certain tenses like the plague, while others will be highly conditional or literally stuck in the Past, English being one of them. We are nearly conditioned to be conditional and to use the Past more than most modern languages that I have encountered.

I believe that the conundrum about the glass being half empty or half full, depending upon one's disposition towards pessimism or optimism is largely linked to how one view's the Past, Present, and Future.

If you believe that the glass is half empty, most likely you are stuck in the Past, dwelling on what has been lost, or what  you could have had, or could have been, and not what you are.

If, however, you believe that the glass is half full, you may have placed too much stock in the Future, and may not even realize what you have right in front of you. Although superficially it seems that it is better to do so, to view the Potential of the situation is still vastly inferior to viewing the actuality of the situation, which is the Present.

We are prone to sleepwalk through life, always looking backwards to the Past or forwards to the Future, all the while, the Present slips away infinitesimally by us, passing through a gossamer filter from the Future to the Past.

Thinking about this, I am reminded of Gotye's recent "Eyes Wide Open" video and lyrics.

Give it a thunk.

Mad, Mad World

OK, got Entanglement , Time, and dark humor on the brain.

Donnie Darko pretty much sums up all of those ideas for me in one of, in my opinion least, the most creative and poignant explorations in the question of "what if I could go back in Time and change..."

I remember watching this movie on my laptop while living in Castiglion Fiorentino where I was teaching a course called, "Portrait of the Student in Exile," and based on the conversations that we had in class, several of the students told me, this is Donnie Darko! I had not seen the movie yet, but one of the students had a copy and lent it to me.

I remember very well watching in with no expectations, and when it finished, with tears in my eyes , I immediately pressed play and watched it through again without a break.